the never ending stories ....

what seems like forever is just 22 days ago ... 10.11.14 ... the day the decision was made to let our pup atreyu just be ..... and not have to give us anymore ... in this physical world ... he was just shy of 10 years young.  this dog ... this dog has stories ... many many stories ... & thank goodness because that is all I could bring myself to do while he was taking his last breaths ... I just told the room some of his stories ... which somehow made it easier ... even though now I type through tears.

the beginning ....

 



 the ending ....

 

and now ... some of his never ending stories ...

 



atreyu loved almost all things ... one of his biggest loves ...the car ... especially working his way up to the front seat ... on my lap ... but only after he has flapped his ears in the wind for a while ...

one of my happiest times was watching him on his last day ... barely able to stand & blind  ... get himself up & out his window for 2 seconds of ear flapping ... not only once ... but twice ... he knew it needed to be done ... & i was so happy he did it .... part of his peaceful never ending-ness ....

which somehow reminds me of the time he suddenly jumped out the window as we were driving down the road!!  after seeing him roll a few times in our mirrors ... he got up & started running!!  we were so scared ... and obviously he was too ... because we found him shaking .. on our front porch ... & now brown ... yup, he scared himself that bad & ran all the way home .... he never did that again ... nor did he eat a pack of my birth control pills again, or get himself stuck in a culvert again, get hit by a car again, or a motorcycle again ... those are just some of his 'he's freekin lucky stories' ...  

one thing he did do more than once, though ... was sniffing his tricky little friend ... the porcupine ... he did that twice ....

in our eyes, some of his most impressive days ... were hiking days ... days where he would hike up to 14 miles in a day with us ... climbing rocks & rock faces - sometimes needing a little help ... but he did it all ... and was so so so happy & content .... always such a good boy ...

south twin ...

 

resting along passaconaway ...

I like to think in his eyes .... 2 shining moments stick out among his collection of memoires ...

 

the first being the day he brought home a turkey egg ... unharmed ... un-cracked ... held sooooo gently in his mouth while he cried ... cried in that way he did when he was given a bone ... the cry of sheer joy & excitement ... he put it down at our feet ever so gently ...  we couldn't believe our eyes!! 

 

the other moment that is beyond memorable is when a little chickadee slammed into our window ... and knocked himself out cold ...  we came out of the house to find atreyu investigating & sniffing ... & proceeded to scoop the tiny bird up in his mouth!!  I was mortified & started yelling at him as he went running around the yard ... but sure enough ... as he circled back around by the porch he opened his mouth & the chickadee flew right out  .... a moment that I think i will remember just like yesterday ... always!  

 

i'm sure those 2 stories rank right up there with all the stories that only he knows ... the times he brought home a bobcat skull ... a deer leg ... a moose vertebrae ... an antler ... a beaver carcass ... among many other disgusting treats.  he must of been so excited when we brought home kiwi ... his sister ... with a hound nose ...  it made his scavenger adventures easier ...

 

he also took great pride in his jobs .....

 

 

coming to pick josie up at school ...

 

 

accompanying me on my morning runs down to the pond ... which was a double score for him ... running & a swim ...

 

 

and watching out for this lil girl ... & us ... and his friends ....

 

and of course wearing his blaze orange ... pretending ... 

atreyu was a brittany  ... who sneezed constantly!  he could sneeze on command ... it was his tool for our attention getting  ... he was our loyal brittany that howled by our apple tree.  thank goodness his old brother randy taught him how to howl ... it saved his life when he got lost in the woods in his last weeks ... it was the way he was able to be found ...  to this day, I still believe that atreyu & randy would practice their howling together in the bedroom just to drives this house a little crazy .... atreyu was our loyal, sneezy, howly, nervous eater, adventurous, gun lovin', I know you are wearing your running sneakers which means you are going for a run even though you tell me your not ... man's, woman's & girl's best friend ...  he was the kind of pup that would make you feel extremely lucky if you could get close enough to him to sneak in a tiny pet ... he'd always keep just enough distance ... except for his immediate circle of people of course ....

 

 

kiwi & atreyu morning snuggles ...

 

being the 'bird dog' that he was ... the first day we brought him home he was already pointing at chickadees ... not only adorable ... but come on - it was amazin! ... but very soon there after he met one of his life time best buddies ...wiley .. a little cairen terrier ... and soon he was hunting chipmunks & burrowing with his best friend ... and never looked back  ... what started out with just two friends turned into a pack of 5 - 7 neighborhood pups throughout the years ... they saw each other daily ... they even made their own trail through the woods ... no leashes ... collars were rare ... a true dog's life!  I believe they miss him ... I know his sister kiwi does ... and we really do ... 

 

oh what a good never ending friend he was ...  



honest

the moment i had in the car with this song ....  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk76rsV71S0

love those lips! 

it's all honest ....

good night jan 3 2013

alone

one of my favorite blogs girl's gone child led me down the path to this video a lil while back.  i like it.  it's wonderful.  so i am sharing.

last year i went away by myself overnite ... actually for 2 nites .. and did my thing ... going away on a 'road trip by myself - GASP!' was something i used to do often enough before husband, child, house, dogs, cat, dishwashers, washing machines, lawnmowers, & a 'real' jobby job (if that's what you call it) ... when it was just me for a while ... actually me, my dog, my paint & my sewing machine.   a time when it was easy to remain myself ... whatever the hell that is ...where now, it is easier to lose myself... again, whatever the hell that means.

people always ask the question ... why alone ... what's wrong ... something must be wrong ... it's the 'only child' thing ... it's funner with 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 ... yeah sometimes it is ... but, sometimes it is important for me to be alone & do things alone ... some sort of backwards self confidence building session perhaps ... either way ... whatever it is ... i think this video helps explain that.  for me - alone ... it's about happiness within yourself ... to help spread the happiness to those who are 'affected' by you ... who you love ... who you care about.

stuck

stuck on this ..... or should i say them ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Mhi3vW7H50

and this .....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YH0CnjXqCLE

now; i will always have one eye open lookin out for a live show with them ....

happenings  ....

big big chicky

bridgewater's famous signs .... this sign speaks the truth
 

Josie's work of art in the washing machine ... impressive.

randoms ...

WONDERING if people ever steal 'this house is protected by ....' signs to put up at their own house?

WONDERING if the person who invented pez dispensers got their idea from a mailbox. you know what i mean? .... hmmm.

WONDERING about those panties that say the days of the week on them. can people actually pull off wearing wednesday panties on wednesday? i could never .... but would be impressed with someone who could ....

those were my top 3 WONDERING thoughts that came up this hour ....

good morning shoppers

sunday groceries ... an unusual sunday outing for josie & i ... but figured we probably won't be able to get off this hill tommorrow with all the rain & ice ... and i was happy we went!

this is why ...

over the speakers comes on: 'good morning shoppers ... just want to take a moment and wish a very happy birthday to one of our associates .... happy birthday anna in the bakery ... happy birthday!'

a minute later ...

'good morning ... just wishing anna a happy birthday from the meat department'

10 seconds later ...

'happy birthday anna ... coming from the fish dept'

that was so fun .... made me really smile .... can only imagine how big anna's smile was ...

first of 20 10

things ....
of course leonard cohen's hallelujah is being covered at this moment ... the moments ... .

love on my late nite's of work that atreyu sits at the edge of the driveway in the dark & snow waiting for my safe arrival. his little but wiggles so fast ... he must be excited to get out of the cold ...

enjoying the music of this hope for haiti ... and trying not to cry during the speaking parts ... yes, if it was easy ... i would go get a little person over there & bring him here for josie in a heartbeat.

my paperwhites opened this week as my tulips started falling. not really sure if i like the smell of paperwhites ... i don't think they are subtle enough for my taste. was very nice having tulips in the winter ...

josie painting almost everyday ... she is very particular when doing this ... fresh brushes, going through each color one by one to see what it gives her .... definitely like her mother with this ... she is making me itch to pick up a brush ... which i haven't done since before she was born.

got the opportunity to dress up this week ... for a special dinner put on by my work ... actually felt nice to pay attention to trying to look nice ... had some funny times with the ladies i work with ... i am lucky to work with such special people. yet, another reason for being lucky ...

last time josie saw stevie wonder it was new year's eve at 11:30 at nite ... and she kept saying - 'look it's papa' ... so so funny. tonite she saw stevie ... and kept repeating his name & almost started crying when he stopped singing ... she wanted more ... so did i.

walked out onto a gorgeous nitefall on thursday evening ... 6 pm ... bottom of sky light blue gradually getting darker blue the higher you go ... and the brightest crescent moon ... which reminds me that tonite when josie pointed out the moon, like she always does ... she got the explanation of how '2 people in completely differnt places on earth are looking at the same moon - cuz there is only one' ... i think she actually took that in ... that has always been a comforting thing to think about for me ...

could write all nite ... so i am stopping now ... here are a few pix of josie ...

dog days of winter

just setting dinner down at the table & the purina dog show is on in the background. josie turns around to look at the tv ...

announcer: and this is 'blah blah blah' a miniature poodle

josie: wow, i like it's shoes

tinsel, crutches, snow & my other randomness

this should be a xmas post ... but we all know that i am not that on top of things, so maybe that will come a little later ... although hope everyone had laughs & fun on xmas!

some things ...

it's been a couple weeks now, but on the front page of the union leader was an article about this father who is raising a newborn, because the mom left. an unforunate situation of course ... and went on to talk how he had to quit his job because of all the attention that raising a child requires & now he was struggling to support his child & buy her xmas gifts ... again an unfortunate situation. BUT ... in my mind, did this make front page of the paper because it is a FATHER ... how many mothers are in this same situation, don't quit there jobs & are stuck working just to pay daycare ... and you never ever hear about it ... seriously COME ON ...

also a couple weeks ago josie experienced her first snow storm of the season... got out her hat, mittens, boots & snow suit ... when i showed her her snowsuit ... she said ... 'no i want to be a bat' ... (what she was for halloween) ... we went out & played in the snow for 2 1/2 hrs at night ... snow angels, snow cookies, snow pancakes & a lot of snowballs

she also met santa for the first time ... the candy cane his little elf gave her saved the day ... santa was funny cuz he was the guy from the local hardware store that spent a little extra time in the bar the night before ... he was funny.

brought josie to the xmas parade ... where she thought she saw randy in the parade & has been talking about it ever since ... happy & sad at the same time ... but the best part of the parade for me was when we were walking back to the car & saw this lady wearing tinsel hair trying to light a ciggi ... seriously, you should never try to light a ciggarette when you have tinsel hair in your face ... she didn't catch on fire thank god ... but probably only because was too tipsy to actually get her ciggarette lit.

saw a guy walking on crutches in a snowstorm ...

and finally ... the only good thing about me working so much ... it's helped us get a great family vaca ... st croix can't come soon enough ...

and here is josie seeing her first snow fall of the season

who needs a title?

• less than a week until phish with michele & colb, michele & steve & lianne & paul ... in portland ... why do i have this pretty little picture of us walking to the show in snowfall ... hmmm ...
• so i did girl things ... spent a night out with girls from the office ... we were ginnie pigs for a new spa 'girls night' package that the common man is offering ... i wasn't all that excited for pink robes & all the froo froo ... well .......... turns out ... i love froo froo ... pink robes, manicure, pedicure, facial & chair massage ... oh & food & wine ... a great nite ... i work with fun ladies
• wish they had the gray nailpolish i wanted ...
• i have been to 3 stores so far to find the 'right' color/style gray i want & no luck so far ... now, i kinda like the challenge ...
• also had the pleasure of hanging with my best girls from college ... a super special night at the common man inn in claremont. great company, great eats, special moments, hot tub, champagne, no kids & no boys for all of us ... a much needed getaway ...
• love how you don't see people for months & months ... but when you finally get to see them it seems like you were just hanging on the couch watching the chick flick of the month ... love my friends ...
• josie - she has been picking out her own clothes ... here's one outfit ... she did an awesome job!

• note to self: need to pick up some more 'beautiful dresses & tutus' for josie ... that's all she wants to wear ... yup, i got a girly girl ... but a girly girl that wears a cape! love it!
• still wearin flip flops ... maybe i'll make it till dec ? ... maybe not if i get my cozy snowfall walk to the phish show ...
• josie's favorite things this week .... pipe cleaners, pretending to cook eggs, crystalized ginger, nail polish, making me walk ahead of her & then her running & screaming ... 'mama, wait for me" , oh & singing dan zane's east side west side ... she's got it down pat!
• she has also been asking about ramby (randy) still ... 3 days in a row this week ... she says she misses him ... i do too ....

a good & funny boy ....

and a good & funny girl ....

a ninja, a pizza eating bat, a shark, & a geisha

josie's first halloween out trick - or - treating ... and she loved it. she joined the mcclane cherubs, which was very exciting ... they were so good to her ... teaching her all about halloween ...

things .... 2

• wondering if sid the science kid cartoon on pbs played it's flue vaccine episode yesterday by coincidence ... they probably went digging through their archives looking & hoping to find something with 'vaccine' in the title ....


• speaking of flu .... heard today that 30% if people who have died of h1n1 are healthy ... didn't realize.


• speaking of the flu again ............ i'm sick of hearing about the flu! sick of hearing about hand washing too!


• noticed yesterday josie has molers coming in on the left side of her mouth ..... ouch! maybe that explains the bursts of 'terrible 2' behavior ..... or maybe that is just because she is 2. i will say though, she is a very good girl most of the time ... lucky. but this might explain her no eating at all habit .... like serious, no eating!


• tried to convince josie to go on a hike with me yesterday .... but i got a 'no' ... 'science center' ... great! science center sounds great! so spent the afternoon there peeking at all the animals.


• came home & climbed trees ....


• then off to work for me for the night ...... my current car ride music .... black crowes ... with maybe a beyonce 'single ladies' sneaking in if feelin a little wiggly ......
• realized while at work .... that i hadn't done any sort of taking care of myself ... did not touch my hair since waking up ... no shower ... just took the minutes to brush my teeth a few times throughout the day .... & had a splash of cold water on my face at 5 a.m. to try to wake up ............... that kind of day .......... will it ever slow down .......... just a little?
  

things ... 1

yesterday i found out that i know my first person with the h1n1 virus .... we were hanging out at the copier together on monday night at work ....



today i had a great moment .... in a doorway ......

i love how my kitty likes to stay in the house in the fall & winter ... it's too cold for him ... i don't have to worry about him when it starts getting dark .... he's just in his 'cozy warm spots' .....



missing randy quite a bit still .... and i know atreyu is too .... he is much calmer in one sense, but in the other he doesn't know what to do with himself ....



josie is supposed to be a bat for halloween ... but she thinks she wants to wear a hat, wings & tutu ..... that works just as good too .... i'd like to find her blue or purple hair to go with that ...



got phish tix through their lottery this week .... can't believe we actually 'won' ... even though you have to pay .... stoked & stoked about the company that will be sitting next to me .... fingers crossed ....



i'm addicted to the show dexter .... ... murder show & wine ... has become quite the ritual .... hmmmm .....

locked myself out of house today .... because i forgot to write my note saying unlock doors .... .



that's it for tonite ..................... oh & a pic of jj of course ....

if the shoe fits ...

the heels ... that go best with my sweatpants ... i thought they were my very first pair, but i now remember that i did where some kind of heel to the proms ... but .... i like doing my supermodel walk in my heels & sweats ...

bases loaded

and he is safe! i watched this last night ... baseball! i guess i was rooting for the tigers ... & they lost ... in the 12th inning ... & it was so fun to watch ... even though they lost. i used to watch ball games all the time .. but i haven't watched a whole game on tv in years ... i nervous snacked ... hot blue chips & choc. chips ... (so bad) ... woke josie up from my squeels ... & even watched parts through the slits inbetween my fingers while i was covering my eyes ... i loved it!

oh & part 2 of my story ... joe walked in from outside ...

joe: 'what is that ... what are you doing?'

me: 'watching baseball ... it's in extra innings ... we're in the 10th'

joe: 'what is there 7?'

me: 'no 9'

joe: 'k ... i know nothing ... i'm going to clean the shed'

sweet ... the shed got cleaned ... maybe if i continue watching sports lots of little 'to dos' will get done .... kidding ... kinda ...

a night of feeling like a kid again .... something everyone should feel - often!

my drummin star

wonderous wings

my little fairy ........ a very cute night .... if you have a little girl ... i would highly recommend making the trek to cackleberries garden center in meredith at some point to sign up for their email list ... which then leads to an invitation to the annual fairy night ... sparkles, wings, goodies, music, and lots of other things to make your little girl feel magical!

1 more day till fairy night ...

tomorrow is fairy night at cackleberries ... bubbles, sparkles, flowers, enchanted gardens and wings ... can't wait! josie just got her reservation ... 5pm with 5 other 2 year olds ... her wings & her dress are hanging in her closet waiting patiently ...

cackleberries garden center in meredith puts on this wonderful event for the first 100 young girls who rsvp ... what a great idea! .... pictures soon ....

a new way of doing things ...

k ... new concept here ... i figure if i have any sort of shot of keeping up with this blessed thing, then i need to shorten things up ... so now, thoughts or photos or both ... that is my goal ... i'm going to try really hard to remember my camera ... to catch my wacky stuff that stumbles in front of me... & to remember where i put my little book with my thoughts as i think, hear, or see them ...

my thought today ... saw a commercial saying the chance of a child being diagnosed with autism is 1 in 166. that is way too high .................. what is going on?

broccoli for me ...

that's my girl ....